Whiskey Dick of the Week

It just seems that the Arizona Cardinals just can't get it up when they need to.

Head coach of the Cards', Ken Whisenhunt, says, "We're frustrated. I'm frustrated for our fans, because I feel like we're a better team than the way we played. I'm frustrated for our players, because they believe we have a good team and they're disappointed, as we are as coaches, that we didn't execute better."

It's all about the execution at crunch time - something the 3-5 Cardnials just haven't been able to do.

Then again, if I had anything to do with the Cardnials - I would probably drink in excess too.

Blue Balls Award (for trying to go all the way, but not quite being able to finish)

This week's recipient of the Jock Jabber Blue Balls Award is presented to: The Notre Dame Fighting Irish Football Team - for losing to the US Naval Academy in 3 OT.

After 44 long years, the Naval Academy has finally beaten a horrible Notre Dame team. The last QB from navy to lead his team to victory? Roger Staubach.

The current Midshipmen QB to lead his team toward glory and all things righteous? Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada. Gesundheit. I think Knute Rockne just shat himself.

The truth of the matter is that even a shitty 1-7 Notre Dame team should beat the piss out of an overmatched (while dedicated and noble) US military school. Perhaps the sign leading out of the ND locker room should be changed to "Play like a champion Today? Nah, me neither." C'mon Charlie, you can field a winning team. We have all seen Blue Chips.

Well folks, that just about does it. The Axis of Evil (NCAA style): Notre Dame, Michigan, and USC have all suffered program ending blows. The good guys were finally able to "Smoke 'em out of their caves" (thanks Dub-yah).

Finally, for the record. These two teams uniforms are too frigging similar. Let's give Notre Dame pink jerseys. Maybe then they will want to play like men.

Politically Correct = Bullshit

This is Jon Kitna, quarterback for the Detroit Lions, with is wife Jennifer at a teammate's Holloween party.

Get a load of those pectorals.

Jon is best known for being Carson Palmer's back-up in Cincinnatti. Or for being a devout, bible-banging, born-again Christian. Or apparently being too funny for his own good.

Enter Joe Cullen, a Lion's assistant coach. In August 2006, said coach was arrested twice in one week for:

1. A DUI
2. Driving through a Wendy's drive-thru lane buck-ass naked

I am happy to say that Mr. Cullen has completed necessary treatment and is fulfilling all necessary obligations.

Now, Kitna is facing a firestorm of crap from multiple sources and is regretting his decision to have fun with a visual allusion.

Cullen isn't talking about the incident or his feelings regarding the costume other than saying that it's "in the past." Apparently the situation in the Lion's organization, if there was one at all, has been rectumfied.

On a side note, someone spoofed Jon and Jennifer at that same party.

Jon Kitna, you are a funny, funny man.

Amen.

Post Halloween Hangover

Ahh, Halloween. Thank God it is over with. This was my first year doling out the candy from my house. The spawn has finally gotten to the age where he wants to venture out on his own with friends. I'm so happy he finally turned 4.

Anyway, we had 110 visitors in about 105 minutes. I ended up sitting out on my front step - in the cold - with a sore throat. If they didn't say trick or treat I licked the wrapper prior to putting the treat into their container. Ungrateful bastards. I sure am glad that I didn't decide to go with the double-edged razor blade in the apple trick. Maybe that is a bit too old skool for today?

We ran out of the first batch of candy after 45 minutes, so I shut my lights off until the wench could get home with round two. Apparently the kids of today don't know that if the lights are off that you don't ring the bell at that house. I had a group of 7 kids on my step hit my bell 20 times - MINIMUM! So I promptly opened the door and told them that no matter how many times they ring my bell, with my lights turned off, that I had no way of giving them candy...follow the rules of the frigging event.

Assholes.

Who Needs a Holiday...

...When you can have your very own Fuckation?

A student at my school started the year by writing about his summer vacation, "This year, while I was on fuckation..."

The kicker? He thought that was how you spelled it.

He was probably home-schooled.

Home is what screws up 75% of the kids I see. Nice.

Getting Started

O.K., here goes nothing.

I was last on Blogger, when blogger was Blogger, not (Corporate) Blogger.

That was in 2003. I think it is now 2007 - Not that it really matters.

So, why Jock Jabber? Well four reasons really.

1. We all know that the intergoogle needs another sports blog.
2. A good punch to the 'nads is a decent wake up call.
3. I experience a bunch of funny/annoying shit each day, working with at-risk students, and intend to put it here (partly because I want to share. Mostly because I need an outlet).
4. I embrace conflict.

Here goes nothing - except my time. Great.